As the space between breaths lengthens

So the space to eternity shrinks

Here death does not steal or stalk

But waits as a plain and welcome bridge

Love dwells both here and there

A shining figure silently beckons

The journey is but from home to Home

Perspective by Toni L.A. Cross

perspective

seems to dwell

in hospitals

and graveyards

in the quiet

sodden grass

aging stones

sterile silence

white walls

and barren rooms

contemplation’s space

a sobering parenthesis

interrupting the flow

of normalcy

where heartbeats

are deafening

and time slows

individual moments

into freeze-frames

the cataloged past

cannot be edited

but the future

is unscripted

Picture taken from Favim.com

the day after Christmas

we are obligated to return

to our normal routines

but will we hold cupped

in the palm of our hands

a bit of that peace

and a sprinkle of joy

for the rest of the year?

those small seeds of joy

can plant a whole field

and a few nuggets of peace

can birth a strong forest

to shelter with your world

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.” Romans 12:18

“If we love our Christian brothers and sisters, it proves that we have passed from death to life. But a person who has no love is still dead.” 1 John 3:14

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. ” 1 Timothy 6-7

Remember why we celebrate Christmas.

If it is only about the presents and lights and the tinsel and seeing who can be the most “Martha Stewart”, then all the time you spent preparing for one day, the 25th of December, is indeed wasted.

But, if we cling to the true meaning of this season and hold in our hearts the One who came that we might love one another, even as He loved us, then nothing is wasted and yesterday was the dawn of another year of opportunity for us to choose love.

(I’d like to add that I borrowed the poses for these dolls from Rachel Cohen’s FANTASTIC paperdoll website, Paper Thin Personas. They are loosely based off of her Pixie and Puck series. Click here to check out her designs. Please note that the Christmas theme is my own and was not endorsed in anyway by Rachel. She does not celebrate Christmas and I have no wish to offend her.)

a healing heart

that broke again

is slightly stiff

with shedding scabs

resist the urge

to pick and pull

at places still

far too raw

someday soon

new pink skin

will show here

where it seemed

I’d never mend

so now I wait

and contemplate

the resiliency

of His design

the sharp scent

of pine and dust

mixed with

spicy bits of memories

bitterly sweet like

myrrh and peppermint

they spill out

of this old cardboard box

taken down from

the aging attic

released on a seasonally

annual parole

filling this room

and trimming it

with more than

merely tinseled glitz

Looking for the beginning of Kay’s Story?

• Kay (Part one) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Two) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Three) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Four) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Five) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Six) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Seven) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Eight) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Nine) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Ten) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Eleven) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Twelve) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Thirteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Fourteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Fifteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Sixteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Seventeen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Jeff’s Turn) (Part Eighteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Nineteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Jeff’s Turn) (Part Twenty) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)

Right after the service ended, Jeff disappeared into the men’s room to change his clothes for the picnic. Even though he had been unsure of the formality of the church setting, he had the good sense to know that suits plus grass and ketchup usually don’t mix well.

Kay paced as she waited for him in the overflow hall, bouncing Destiny gently with each step. She was dying to ask him what had happened during the prayer time, but something inside told her to let Jeff initiate the topic. He was visibly moved when he had returned to his seat and she couldn’t help wonder what he was thinking. Whatever it was, it seemed to be good.

She thought about how very little she really knew about Jeff. Maybe this picnic would be a good chance to get to know him a little better.

The door to the restroom swung open with a squeak and Jeff appeared, looking much more comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt.

“Hey, there you are. Jeff, would you mind holding Destiny while I grab my cooler from the car?”

“Not at all.” Jeff reached out and took the baby in his arms, both pleased and terrified at the same time. His big hands dwarfed her little frame, yet he cradled her as if she was made of glass.

“She won’t break, y’know.” Kay smiled encouragingly at him and started for her vehicle.

A few minutes later, the cooler was unpacked, the picnic blanket spread and Jeff was sitting with a happy Destiny cooing on his lap.

The sun was shining down with all its summer glory and a gentle breeze kept it from getting overwhelmingly hot. Kay spun in a slow circle before collapsing contentedly next to them on the checkered blanket. “Ahh, it is just the perfect day! Thanks for holding my little punkin’.” She took Destiny back into her arms and reached for her bottle. “Jeff, just so you know, the burgers and hot dogs are over in the tent towards the back of the church. Each family was supposed to bring their own chips, soda, dessert and such, but the main course is provided. I don’t think the first batch is quite ready yet, but if you want to meet some of the guys, they’ll be hanging out by the grills.”

“Hey, you trying to get rid of me already?” Jeff twisted his face into a playful pout. Kay mock hit his shoulder and made a shooing motion with her free hand. “You bet I am! Skedaddle, mister! I can’t help you meet people if I hog your free nanny services all day.”

Jeff flashed her a grin as he stood. “So, seeing I’ll be over there anyway, what do you eat? Burgers or dogs? Please tell me you aren’t one of those tofu girls…”

Kay snorted. “Tofu? I don’t think so. Give me a dead cow smothered in salty tomato goodness any day!”

“So… does that translate into a burger?”

“Heh, it translates into whatever form of meat is done cooking first. I’m not picky. I’m a true carnivore. Thanks for offering to grab it.”

Kay watched Jeff walk away and sent up a silent prayer that somehow he would connect with the guys. He just seems so different from any other man I’ve ever known… not that I’ve known many well… Kay began mentally ticking off a list of males in her life. Dad, Uncle Mich, Cousin Freddy, Grandpa… Yup, that pretty much sums it up.

Her thought process was suddenly interrupted by a super bubbly female voice.

“Kay! Where DID you find that hunk? So, are you claiming first dibs or is he fair game?” Cassy, the owner of the voice, melodramatically batted her eyes.

Usually, Kay was able to tolerate Cassy fairly well, but suddenly her Barbie doll looks and “Gossip Girl” persona were almost completely unbearable. She gritted her teeth and forced a laugh. “Seriously, Cassy! He’s almost a total stranger, you know nothing about him, and besides, he isn’t some purse to be fought over at a store. He’s a human being with a personality and the ability to choose himself. Maybe he doesn’t WANT a girlfriend!”

Cassy tilted her head to the side, looking confused for a moment. “Wait a second. You’re trying to tell me that he’s gay, aren’t you?” She sighed, her glossy bottom lip protruding in a babydoll pout. “I shoulda known… all the really cute ones are.”

Kay sputtered on her sip of rootbeer, soda fizzing out of her nose in a most unbecoming manner. “NO! I didn’t say he was gay! Cassy!” She dissolved into giggles, the indignant look on Cassy’s face only making it funnier.

Just then, Jeff reappeared, with a plate in each hand. “What’s so funny? Did I miss a joke?” Cassy opened her mouth to respond, but Kay waved her hand to silence her. “Don’t ask, Jeff, just don’t ask.” Kay tried to stifle her amusement, taking the plate from his hand. “Potato chips? Soda?”

At this point, Cassy seemed to recover and tried to make her move. She smiled coyly and held out a daintily manicured hand. “Hi, Jeff. I’m Cassy and Kay and I are just the BEST friends. I’m sure she’s told you ALL about me already. Oh, oh dear. Potato chips? Kay, darling, do you know how unhealthy those are? Not to mention fattening?” She deftly looped her arm around Jeff’s and began to steer him away. “Come with me, Jeffy. I have these organic sun-dried banana chips that are absolutely divine.” She blinked up at him. “I don’t usually share my favorite foods, but for you, I think I’ll have to make an exception.”

To be continued…

Looking for the beginning of Kay’s Story?

• Kay (Part one) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Two) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Three) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Four) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Five) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Six) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Seven) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay (Part Eight) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Nine) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Ten) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Eleven) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Twelve) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Thirteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Fourteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Fifteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Sixteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Seventeen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Jeff’s Turn) (Part Eighteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)
• Kay’s Story (Part Nineteen) (thinkinlikegavroche.wordpress.com)

Jeff didn’t know quite what to expect when Kay invited him to this traditional looking little church. He’d dressed in his spiffy “Sunday best” and mentally rehearsed all the right churchy things to say. Now, looking at Kay, he realized she was dressed for a normal day out. His collar seemed to be getting tighter by the second and his coat might as well have been a straitjacket for all the mobility it gave him.

“Kay, wow, you look… beautiful as always.” He fidgeted with his tie and whispered hoarsely, “I’m totally overdressed, aren’t I?”

She looked up at him, with a reassuring smile. “You look dashing. It is a little more formal than what most folks wear, but that’s okay. I probably look like a total wreck, compared to you. It was a long night with the baby.”

“No, Kay, you seriously look great. Can I carry something for you?”

He swung a pink diaper bag over his shoulder, took a deep breath, and stepped through the large wooden doors. He fully expected whispers and stares, most likely accompanied by organ music. Instead, he was immediately ambushed by a couple just inside the door. The man, who looked to be in his 70s at the youngest, gripped his hand enthusiastically. A woman, apparently his wife, was not to be outdone. As soon as Jeff got his hand free, he found himself in the midst of a grandmotherly hug. Jeff tentatively returned their greeting and introduced himself. Bulletin now in hand, he shot a questioning glance at Kay. “Where do we sit?” His eyes scanned the room. He realized with relief that his clothes didn’t matter. The dress code varied from person to person. Every look was represented, from ripped jeans and multiple piercings to immaculate dresses and perfectly coiffed hair.

Kay laughed at the expression of shock lingering on his face and pointed to a row towards the middle of the sanctuary. “Our church is one big family. You’ll have to get used to lots of hugs, if you stick around. Oh! There’s Pastors Zack and Emily! C’mon Jeff, you’ve gotta meet my second parents.”

Without thinking, Kay latched onto his hand with her free arm and hauled him forward. The pleasant warmness of her small hand around his distracted him enough that he missed the beginning of the introductions. He came to himself just in time to catch the tail end of Pastor Zack asking him something about motorcycles. Jeff felt his neck burn as he tried to piece together whatever it was the Pastor had said. “I don’t think I’ve ever hear a Pastor talk about bikes before. You have one, Pastor, uh, sir? A motorcycle, I mean?” Pastor Zack laughed sheepishly. “Well, I did at one time. I found it became a bit of a distraction for me, though. Then, God got my attention in a funny way one day… I’ll have to tell you about it sometime.” Pastor Emily smiled. “Jeff, I hate to interrupt, but I’ve got to get up front and start the service. We’re so glad you are with us today!” Pastor Zack slapped him on the back. “You come and find me during the picnic and I’ll tell you that story, okay son? Just follow your nose. I’ll be flippin’ the burgers.” “Yes sir, I’ll be looking forward to it.”

Jeff and Kay made their way back to a seat just as Pastor Emily reached the pulpit. It took a few tries at “Good morning and amen” before the congregation got the hint and started to quiet down.

After announcements, the Pastors asked all the visitors to stand. To Jeff’s surprise, he was not the only newbie in the house. At least ten other people stood, each of them looking almost as dazed by all the attention as he felt. Their status as visitors was marked by the crowd with loud cheers and clapping, more reminiscent of fans at a homefield football team than participants in a solemn ecclesial service.

The music was a far cry from the hymns and robed choir of Jeff’s hometown. This choir had electric guitars and a drum set and a lead singer with a spiky hair. That would have been shocking enough by itself, but even more bewildering was the fact that the ages of the church varied so much. Happy toddlers scurried about and elderly folks grooved with one hand on a walker and the other raised high in the air.  The emotions on people’s faces seemed so intense, so genuine. Even Kay was glowing, her eyes closed and her lips moving to the words of the song. Jeff had never seen anything quite like this simplicity of just singing your feelings to God. One thing was for sure, nobody could call this church boring or traditional!

But what hit Jeff the hardest was the message that followed. It wasn’t given my either of the pastors. Instead, a young man stood and told his life’s story. It wasn’t some pretty picture perfect tale, either. He bared his heart, sharing the pain of a childhood of abuse and divorced parents, bullies in school and lingering issues of shattered self confidence. As he spoke of finding God, he didn’t end with a plastic finish. He admitted that while he had come far, his life was still a daily process of growth. In closing, held up a square of paper, inscribed with a single Greek word: koinonia. Intimate, dirty, detailed, real. This was the definition of what church relationships should look like, he emphasized. “Christians shouldn’t be afraid to look brokenness in the face. We must be unhindered by masks- free to help each other without reserve and artifice.” As he handed the microphone back to the pastors, he looked shy for the first time that morning. It was as if he’d been given some special boldness, just when he needed it.

The pastor invited anyone who wanted prayer to go up to the front. Jeff wanted to go, he really did. He felt a strange longing in his heart, a sense of something calling him forward. Out of the corner of his eye, he snuck a peek at Kay. She looked suspiciously as if she was trying purposefully not to look at him. Jeff wondered what she would think if he went up. He hoped she wouldn’t think he was trying to impress her, because it really wasn’t that. He hesitated, and then stood, his heart pounding in his ears. Slowly, he made his way forward. Without knowing why, Jeff suddenly felt that this day might just be the most important one of his life.

To be continued…

blood and tears

my human fears

are mixing in this place

tempered with His grace

God’s mortal birth

fills this broken earth

with boundless love

gifted from above