Learning how to grow with my faith…

I keep looking for my faith to feel the way it did when I was younger. It isn’t happening.

Don’t get me wrong- this isn’t what I would  term a crisis of faith. I haven’t given up on God. I am not turning my back on Christianity.

 It’s just that my faith fits different than it used to. You know the feeling you get when you try on a favorite pair of jeans after you go on a diet? Suddenly they are looser and you almost feel like you are breaking them in all over again. It isn’t BAD, but it is uncomfortable and awkward. You still love your jeans, but you have to learn how to wear them again.

Okay, so maybe I’m stretching the analogy a bit far, but you get the idea.

I love God. I am serving Him the best that I know how. But now, I need to find that new place of relationship, a different level of intimacy, new territory, with harder rules.

…and that’s where I’m at, folks…


inside… by Toni L.A. Cross

will you break through this shell
to seek the gold inside?
will you spill me out
to find the treasure that I hide?
what pain must I endure
to melt into what’s pure?
this essence beneath
so guarded and concealed
this glorious worth
waiting to be revealed

us tiny bits of matter… by Toni L.A. Cross


just now a screaming baby was born

and somebody else died tired and worn

sweaty clothes fell in a passionate heap

and a girl driving in traffic fell asleep

just now a couple fell in love

while an old lady fed crumbs to a dove

a lonely man bought a case of beer

and a widow wiped away another tear

somewhere someone is laughing til it hurts

a tired young mom is ironing shirts

a cashier is totaling up for the day

and a cat is watching her kittens play

many heartbeats pitter-patter

all of us tiny bits of matter