Free Fall by Toni L.A. Cross

All the things I should have said

These choices I can’t put to bed

Feeling trapped inside my mind

Making all but memory blind

I’m dying here inside my head

From wishing that I wasn’t dead

I’m falling- losing altitude

It’s so much more than just a mood

I grope through every word I’ve read

I try to reach for hope instead

My spirit lets out one last gasp

Peace is here within my grasp

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red thought… Toni Cross

A red, red

Train of thought

Singular strain

Never be bought

Crazy, wild

Shifty drought

Into which

I am now caught

Writing Kay’s Story

For those of you checking into my blog hoping to see the latest episode of Kay’s Story: I’m sorry.

I promise that a new installment will make its appearance soon!

For now, I thought I’d share a bit of the journey behind this serial story.

This project began as a fun creative writing project. I thought would only go on for five entries, at the very most.

I’ve always been a daydreamer, ever since I was a little girl in pigtails. I would spend hours staring at a single page of math homework. My imagination would soar high above the dullness of the immediate and take wing among clouds of “what ifs”.

When I was in first grade, I faithfully watched every episode of the shortlived TV show, “Christy”. Occasionally, the static on Channel 3 overcame my devoted persistence and my grandparents would have to mail me a taped copy of the missed segment on VHS tape. Those tapes were played so many times that they nearly wore out.

One in particular, “Babe in the Woods”, absolutely fascinated me. A young mother abandoned her baby and Christy, my heroine, found the baby and soon fell in love. One thing always made my young fists ball up in frustration when the credits rolled at the end; Christy gave up the baby. It was sensible, it was selfless, it was endlessly enraging!

My favorite “what if” to ponder became “What would I do if I ever found an abandoned baby?”

Over the years, my fantasy grew and changed. Then, I entered my adult years and got married. For a while, the old “what if” laid dormant…until one morning this past month.

I sat before an empty word document, the cursor blinking on a fresh white page and I asked once more;

What if?

This story is stretching me, making me question what I believe is right. I’m delving into my heart and  asking hard things.

What thin line separates maternal instinct and selfishness?

What drives a human being making a life changing decision?

Is single parenting a healthy answer to the adoption crisis?

How much do I let the opinion of the people around me mold my own choices?

What would I be willing to give up?

There, that’s a glimpse into my cluttered brain. I hope that maybe it will make you ponder with me.

Signing off for now,

Toni L.A. Cross