All the things I should have said
These choices I can’t put to bed
Feeling trapped inside my mind
Making all but memory blind
I’m dying here inside my head
From wishing that I wasn’t dead
I’m falling- losing altitude
It’s so much more than just a mood
I grope through every word I’ve read
I try to reach for hope instead
My spirit lets out one last gasp
Peace is here within my grasp
If you say that all people are right
Then
How can you say that I am wrong
To say that you are wrong
If
I am wrong because you say
Then
You must be wrong about everyone being
Right
Surrounded by tombstones
I’m claustrophobic
Within the walls
Of this confining minute
Tomorrow dies
While I breathe
The stale air of Today
Yesterday seems so dear
With its familiar expanse
Wooing me backward
Into the graveyard
Of my mind’s idyllic perfection
And the clock
Pounds out seconds
With slow precision
Melting into a lullaby
As I slip inward
And farther from
The Now
My life of late has fallen into a routine.
I get up, take a shower, eat a small breakfast, go to work, eat a small lunch, possibly try to connect to the internet while eating, work some more, go home, make supper, eat, do something with my husband, get ready for bed, do bible study/pray, and then I conclude my day by sitting in bed reading a novel, until my husband comes to bed and shuts the light off.
There are small variants in my schedule, for example: we might have a meeting at church, as soon as I get done work, we might have to babysit my teenage siblings or like last night, we may go over to a friend’s house. Then, of course, there are the weekends, which are a mash-up of church, football, and reading, with friends and family mixed in.
On the whole, however, my path has been quite predictable.
I’ve found myself plodding along, not discontent, but wondering…
And asking God more and more often, “What, why, when, where, how?”
there is an icicle on the edge
a braincicle in my mind
made of something
long forgotten
now it’s dripping
slowly melting
thought dew
drop
drip
fly
The Wisdom of Gavroche 